Ever since I got married a decade ago, my relationship with my husband has been on the rocks quite a few times. Fortunately, both of us are matured enough to handle small indifferences, so we somehow get away with minor relationship problems. But after I quit my job eight months ago and focused on becoming a full-time housewife, things started to change. Of course, I don’t blame my husband for my decision because I knew at that moment that I badly needed to focus on developing what’s right for my marriage. To spare you from the boring details of that situation, let’s say that I have decided to focus on supporting my husband on a hundred percent level, so I let go of my career and all my ambitions.
Unfortunately, life is so unfair that I realized that the decision was the biggest mistake I ever made. After I quit my job and became a full-time boring woman (which is, by the way, what my husband used to say I am), I got stuck with anxiety and depression. But it’s not because I regret the decision to quit my job and my developing career. It’s not about those things. In fact, when I quit my job, I found my life less stressful and complicated because I didn’t have to deal with discrimination and pressure from work anymore. But then, I never thought that the thing I intend to see as a positive decision that was supposed to bring me so much joy would turn out to be my worst nightmare.
The Fall Of The Relationship
It was sudden. Things were happening so fast, and I almost fail to understand it. One evening, I caught my husband cheating on me with his colleague. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to feel because “the other woman” was a close friend of the family. Now, as a wife, I might have reacted aggressively and impulsively, but I knew that I have the right to be in that state. I shouted and yelled at my husband, and I had to admit, that was genuinely comforting.
But then, things escalated quickly, and my unfaithful husband retaliated. He was adamant about the whole situation, and he was avoiding all my explicit questions at first. But perhaps my significant other felt like the pressure was so intense that he had to say something incredibly and undeniably insensitive and hurtful so that he can shut me up.
“I got bored,” he said.
Living with the same person each day for ten consecutive years can be exhausting and boring. I get that. But is that enough reason to commit a nerve-wracking mistake of infidelity? I doubt that.
“Bored of what? Of me? Of this whole married life? Enlighten me,” I replied
As I waited patiently for his reply, my whole body started shivering. I was on the verge of breaking down mentally and emotionally. It was unexpected that the whole cheating thing happens right after I have decided to commit and lay my life for this man who seemed entirely unregretful of his actions.
“I made a mistake, I’m sorry,” He said
Of course, it was a mistake. Who was this man kidding? But the most inexpressible part was, it’s not a one-time thing. The details of that forbidden affair slapped my face so hard that I couldn’t imagine how stupid I was for not realizing the signs early. I guess I was too confident with my whole marriage that I never thought my husband and I would come to this part because we have been together for a decade.
Now, the question for me was should I stay or should I leave? I mean, infidelity happened because my husband intends to do it and not because he was forced to. And given that the situation and his relationship with the other woman took almost half a year, it must have meant something. But for the sake of (let’s say) sincere apologies and trying to rebuild the marital relationship, would it be valid for a possible reconciliation? Will forgiveness change everything about this fiasco?
This whole roller coaster of anxiety and depression is so unbearable that I couldn’t even think about anything nice at the moment. This pain, agony, and betrayal are not something I deserve after all the sacrifices I made for the sake of my marriage. But then, if I managed to deal with complicated things before, can I just let this one slip too? Will I be okay if I let this particular one pass by? Unfortunately, I can’t tell. My mental and emotional health is deteriorating. And because I often received different strong opinions about this whole infidelity thing, I am having a hard time understanding what I have to do.