My husband left me for a younger woman. Does it hurt? I will just mimic a laugh. The pain is numbing – if that feeling is even possible. For real, I can’t feel anything except that I am spinning and like losing control of my life. I often wonder where I went wrong. And I blame myself for that, at first. He left me and is making a family with her, a woman whom he met at a gambling place, who also happens to be 20 years fresher than me.
I heard he bought her a condo unit in Malibu. She must be high maintenance since Malibu condos are like $1.7M at this time, a tiny 2-bedroom unit, that is, and I won’t complain. I can’t complain. My house is huge with eight bedrooms and ten toilet and baths. I only have two kids, one of them is in boarding school, a thousand miles away from me. My eldest is leading his own life in New York. I have a housemaid, a gardener, and a driver. My trainer comes every day, and I also have cello lessons every two days. He is paying for all of it. He even increased my allowance twice the amount when I caught him with this woman.
Is it right that I can’t complain? My mind says I have to feel bad. It means I have to fight back, but something inside me is telling – you have it all, why stress yourself with him? I am rich, partly because of him and it’s marital property. I have three cars, all almost brand new. My walk-in closet is a 60-square foot room filled with designer bags, customized gowns, and dresses in signature brands, and the latest shoes. I should be happy, but am I? I’m not, that’s because my husband never really saw my worth, and that makes me hurt but numb at the same time. I didn’t know it was possible.
“People who have difficulty saying no are often people pleasers and are trying to make too many people happy,” says Drenner. “Over time they become over-extended and exhausted and their self-esteem is eroded, because no matter how hard they try to please others, they can never do enough.” -Counselor Monte Drenner
As I walk to the lanai connecting my large bedroom, I look over the beautiful view, a horizon, while remembering the words my lawyer told me earlier: “Lena, Robert is very generous on this one. He is giving you the house and everything in it – the diamonds, pearls, gold bar and gold jewelry, the bags, shoes and furniture, all of it, the three cars and a new car every 2 years to replenish the old one, primary custody of Bobby Jr. which means child support payments coming up and a 10% stake in his multi-million business, apart from your allowance up until you remarry. I suggest you take it. It’s not gonna get any better than this, Len.”
Is it that easy to decide a 25-year marriage? Robert was a struggling salesman when I met him. I am pretty sure that I was a big part of his success and is all that equal to 10% business stake and a $8M home? Am I asking for too much? What if what I want is Robert? I don’t care about the money and the properties. I just want Robert.
But then again, Robert doesn’t want me. He wants her, the 25-year-old bimbo who used to work in a casino, flaunting her boobs and ass. That’s what Robert wants and what Robert wants, Roberts gets. My youth is behind me, and I even gave him two sons. I was faithful, loyal and devoted. I was once beautiful and young too, but Robert must have forgotten about that now. He had forgotten that I once shared a double bed with him when we had nothing. He has forgotten that I once shared a meal with him, a meal suitable for one person, but we shared it since we had nothing. But why now, when we have everything, I still have nothing? I don’t have Robert. Robert left me for her. She has everything now while I have nothing.
“Something that is not gender specific but is worth mentioning is that in almost all cases of marital infidelity, something is wrong in the marriage. Either the husband or the wife is unhappy and likely both.” –Katrina Bilhimer, Ma, LMHC
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I tried to enjoy the summer breeze here in LA. Even if Robert is not here, I must try to survive. I must try to move on. I must go and live my life. I wiped the tears, and I called Ellen, my lawyer. “Ellen, tell Robert I accept. Send the papers, and I’ll sign them.” I can’t even talk to Robert directly. He’s barred me from communicating with him after the confrontation we had when I caught him with her in his office.
I look at my Louis Vuitton pajamas, my Chanel slippers, the Mikimoto pearls on my neck, and picked up my Ostrich skin Hermes Birkin bag. Inside my bag, I have my Amex, my checks and a wad of cash. I took my phone and dialed my son’s number. He answered after the first ring. “Mom, it’s going to be okay, you hear me? I’m almost home. I know what happened. I am here for you, mom. I’m coming home.” And that was it. I burst in tears as my son entered the house and hugged me tightly.
“All marriages are not salvageable. In the process of marriage counseling, some couples may discover it is healthier for them to be apart.” –Donna M. White, LMHC, CACP