Monthly Archives: August 2021

Should I Leave Or Should I Stay? – Depression Therapy On Infidelity Issue

Ever since I got married a decade ago, my relationship with my husband has been on the rocks quite a few times. Fortunately, both of us are matured enough to handle small indifferences, so we somehow get away with minor relationship problems. But after I quit my job eight months ago and focused on becoming a full-time housewife, things started to change. Of course, I don’t blame my husband for my decision because I knew at that moment that I badly needed to focus on developing what’s right for my marriage. To spare you from the boring details of that situation, let’s say that I have decided to focus on supporting my husband on a hundred percent level, so I let go of my career and all my ambitions.

Unfortunately, life is so unfair that I realized that the decision was the biggest mistake I ever made. After I quit my job and became a full-time boring woman (which is, by the way, what my husband used to say I am), I got stuck with anxiety and depression. But it’s not because I regret the decision to quit my job and my developing career. It’s not about those things. In fact, when I quit my job, I found my life less stressful and complicated because I didn’t have to deal with discrimination and pressure from work anymore. But then, I never thought that the thing I intend to see as a positive decision that was supposed to bring me so much joy would turn out to be my worst nightmare.

Source: pixabay.com

The Fall Of The Relationship

It was sudden. Things were happening so fast, and I almost fail to understand it. One evening, I caught my husband cheating on me with his colleague. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to feel because “the other woman” was a close friend of the family. Now, as a wife, I might have reacted aggressively and impulsively, but I knew that I have the right to be in that state. I shouted and yelled at my husband, and I had to admit, that was genuinely comforting.

But then, things escalated quickly, and my unfaithful husband retaliated. He was adamant about the whole situation, and he was avoiding all my explicit questions at first. But perhaps my significant other felt like the pressure was so intense that he had to say something incredibly and undeniably insensitive and hurtful so that he can shut me up.

“I got bored,” he said.

Living with the same person each day for ten consecutive years can be exhausting and boring. I get that. But is that enough reason to commit a nerve-wracking mistake of infidelity? I doubt that.

“Bored of what? Of me? Of this whole married life? Enlighten me,” I replied

Source: pixabay.com

As I waited patiently for his reply, my whole body started shivering. I was on the verge of breaking down mentally and emotionally. It was unexpected that the whole cheating thing happens right after I have decided to commit and lay my life for this man who seemed entirely unregretful of his actions.

“I made a mistake, I’m sorry,” He said

Of course, it was a mistake. Who was this man kidding? But the most inexpressible part was, it’s not a one-time thing. The details of that forbidden affair slapped my face so hard that I couldn’t imagine how stupid I was for not realizing the signs early. I guess I was too confident with my whole marriage that I never thought my husband and I would come to this part because we have been together for a decade.

Now, the question for me was should I stay or should I leave? I mean, infidelity happened because my husband intends to do it and not because he was forced to. And given that the situation and his relationship with the other woman took almost half a year, it must have meant something. But for the sake of (let’s say) sincere apologies and trying to rebuild the marital relationship, would it be valid for a possible reconciliation? Will forgiveness change everything about this fiasco?

Source: pixabay.com

Final Thoughts

This whole roller coaster of anxiety and depression is so unbearable that I couldn’t even think about anything nice at the moment. This pain, agony, and betrayal are not something I deserve after all the sacrifices I made for the sake of my marriage. But then, if I managed to deal with complicated things before, can I just let this one slip too? Will I be okay if I let this particular one pass by? Unfortunately, I can’t tell. My mental and emotional health is deteriorating. And because I often received different strong opinions about this whole infidelity thing, I am having a hard time understanding what I have to do.

 

Therapist’s Legit Advice In Solving Couple’s Relationship Issues

Theirs is no perfect relationship. Everybody wants to believe that some people can genuinely live a peaceful and uncomplicated one, but it is always farther from reality. Couples deal with specific individual differences. They struggle to keep their mental and emotional health intact because of the uncertainties they can’t handle alongside the wrong decisions they make. Sometimes, it gets even more complicated when relationship problems involve hard-to-solve issues such as abuse, infidelity, parental alienation, neglect, etc.

Fortunately, struggling couples can still have a chance to cope with the challenges. Of course, they have to acknowledge that there is something wrong before proceeding to do what is right for the relationship. Good thing that couple’s therapy can assist them with that. So without further ado, here are the few legit pieces of advice therapists would recommend couples to solve their relationship issues.

Source: pixabay.com

Always Talk About Everything

It becomes easy for most couples to let go of some little things that perhaps are not that of a big deal. Some situations may require both not to discuss anything since not much of an impact is taken. Unfortunately, that is one of the most common mistakes that couples make. They believe that small issues like money struggles, chores, emotional neglect, or playing the blame game will not affect the relationship. They do not know that those little misunderstandings eventually take a toll on the destruction of communication. When couples do not pay attention to it, it leads to fights, resentment, and frustration. It can make one or both feel unheard and invalidated.

Communication is the core of every relationship. Therefore, couples should talk and discuss things regardless of how small it is. Because it is not about the degree of the issue that matters, it is about the idea of being open with one another. Couples should always have a meaningful conversation because that is the only way to move towards better relationship resolution, specifically personal differences.

Source: pixabay.com

Let Go Of Unrealistic Expectations

The more complicated and overwhelming the situation gets, the more couples become emotionally immature. It justifies couples’ anticipation to play loads of major roles in each other’s lives. But the reality is that not both can advocate fairness at all times. There will always be that moment where one benefits and one sacrifices. Unfortunately, most relationships are not entirely following a “give and take” order. And to be honest, give and take seldom happens because one or both the couples feel entitled to the relationship that they hold too many expectations.

By that, therapists would genuinely suggest that couples should lower down expectations and look for ways differently. Both should create a different perspective regarding what their partners can mentally, physically, and emotionally provide wide in the open. Sometimes, the relationship’s growth only requires both accepting and appreciating one capability and not desiring more than that. So it would be best if both individuals in a serious relationship focus on what’s currently in front of them.

Source: pixabay.com

Never Allow Each Other To Grow Apart

Some say that relationships evolve as time goes by. And the more people commit to their partners, the more they will feel secured and satisfied. Too bad that is not always the case. In most instances, the reason behind every relationship complication is due to the couple’s drifting apart. And the main factor affecting that drift is the inability to realize that it is happening. For some reason, couples often do not see how small changes can greatly impact their relationship. They fail to see that there is always a danger to “I’m not in the mood,” “I want to be alone,” and “I’m okay.”

Experts often advise that couples should learn to notice the signs of a failing relationship aside from making a meaningful conversation. That way, they can immediately act on it. But they should be mindful not to get over-involved with their partners in every decision in life as it may somehow lead to the feelings of losing one’s individuality and sense of self-accomplishment. Couples need to grow individually, but they should introduce change gradually so both can share accountability.

Source: pixabay.com

Insight

It is essential to realize that every couple deals with different relationship issues despite problems and solutions appearing similar on the outside. Everyone handles their problems in a way that others might not agree. But regardless of the resolution, individuals must speak up about what they are mentally and emotionally going through. Despite being in a relationship, they should still set boundaries and adhere to them as much as possible. That way, they can take their time to rethink and reevaluate the flow and necessary adjustments needed in the relationship. If couples might deal with their struggles on their own, they can always consider couples therapy.