Monthly Archives: July 2021

What’s Couples Counseling All About?




Couples counseling is not complicated. Basically, it is a specialized form of talk therapy wherein two individuals consult a counselor to discuss how they are doing as a couple. Generally, it is meant for two individuals who are in an intimate relationship. Still, it can also be utilized by any two individuals who want to enhance a relationship, like two business colleagues or two members of the family.

Couples counseling works to vividly assist you in seeing the current state of your relationships vividly, getting a clear sense of what you want to change, and allowing you to connect and reduce the gap. This type of counseling is dynamically distinct from individual counseling, as three people are conversing in the room yet share the same principles – code of ethics, privacy, and an emphasis on you and your needs. It does not involve the views or suggested outcomes of the counselor.

What It Does

Receiving couples counseling helps you get a better perspective of one another and relate to each other. You also get to learn new means of being a couple. Couples counseling entails skills work that will assist you to do things differently and help you unravel your thoughts and emotions with your loved one. It emphasizes appreciation and exploring challenges, so be ready to remember the things you value and love about one another and see your partner with kindness and affection.

What It Does Not Do

Couples counseling is not a magic pill. It needs to be invested with modesty, valor, and honesty. Frequently, couples receiving counseling accuse each other of their problems – it’s not uncommon for partners to start disagreeing in front of their counselor.

Another thing that a couples counselor is not is being passive. A couple’s counselor may interfere with shifting the focus on action and discernment. For both you and your partner, this usually entails letting go of permanent perceptions and taking a step back to view the process regarding the way you interact. Keep in mind that couples counseling is not a platform to evade emotions. By unraveling your emotions and looking for various viewpoints, couples counseling will help you decide what you can change.

More importantly, this type of counseling is not suitable where relationships are violent or sadistic. If a violent dynamic is recognized, the counselor helps you with continuous referrals to receive the help you require, with care and protection as a primary significance.


Typical Problems

The most typical concern is complications in communicating. Everyone knows that it’s not hard to learn unnecessary habits that signify we do not hear what our partners are saying and we feel polarized in our own perception of the world. That being said, communication difficulties can become a contributing factor or a replication of several concerns that couples tackle in the room, some of which include:

  • Trust issues
  • Infidelity
  • Jealousy
  • Disparities in goals and values
  • Disparities in parenting styles
  • Financial problems
  • Problems associated with work
  • Life modifications, such as illness, bereavement, etc.
  • Family disagreement
  • Sexual problems
  • Politics or religion

The counselor’s task is to assist you in getting around and under these problems to manage what’s actually happening between both of you. Beyond these matters, you are in the course of connecting, and it is in discovering and growing that you can see a change in how you resolve your issues.

Probing Into Your Relationship

It could be beneficial to be aware of the various areas of your relationship. For instance, you can emphasize:

  • The way you perceive the degree of commitment with one another
  • How you resolve arguments
  • The way you make compromises
  • The way you communicate
  • The way you care and encourage yourselves and one another
  • The way you grow together

The general course of couples counseling can be defined as one of action-planning, joint exploration, and expression. The ultimate result from counseling is that you would be prepared to do this together for the moment and for years to come.

Occasionally, however, as a consequence of couples counseling, people decide to cease the relationship. Counseling then can accomplish a role in assisting couples so that they end well and deal with matters that are significant to them.


It’s Not Always About You

Sometimes, we can turn a blind eye because we don’t want to recognize what’s really happening. With couples counseling, it’s difficult to mislead the counselor or even yourself because not only is how you manage there in the room being analyzed, but your partner could also express how they feel and think, giving light into aspects you think are not comfortable.

Couples counseling is inclined to develop more rapidly compared to individual counseling. It also veers towards being more stimulating and dynamic. Experts suggest that you start with the end in mind. When you have a robust purpose for seeking counseling, you will be more open to discovering and unraveling.



Issues Tackled During Your First Counseling Session




During your initial counseling session, your counselor’s goal is to work with you in developing an understanding of how and why you have come to the point of seeking help. This entails inquiring about the relationship, which includes its history, how it was created, and how you are feeling about it now. It also entails asking succinctly regarding your families, background on your different relationships, and understanding the situation and the environment that you and your partner have.

For instance, your counselor might inquire about your age, religion, education, work, support networks, and others. All these may seem to be vague issues, but they could help the counselor better understand the disparities you and your partner may be experiencing. When you have disclosed this information to the counselor, the key mission of counseling is to concur clear results that you both wish to work on. Your counselor exists to help you come up with mutual objectives, and their presence is to guide and walk you through achieving these objectives. Objectives do change or progress as counseling continues, and getting a sense of the direction you’re heading can also help build meaning and structure to your work.

Whatever the issues are, regular sessions would most likely entail:

  • What is workable in your relationship
  • How your past relationships affect your present
  • How you appreciate and respect one another
  • Circumstantial factors like lifestyle, faith, family, and culture, among others
  • Developing new ways to approach and manage conflicts
  • Taking care of yourself and one another
  • The things you are willing to commit to, not what your partner wants you to commit

This is an idyllic list, although the one-size-fits-all principle does not apply here. Part of your counselor’s job is to guarantee that your needs are acknowledged and met. Additionally, don’t forget that desires and needs are not the same all the time.

Sensitive Issues Tackled

Anticipate that couples counseling sessions are quite awkward and typically going in directions that you would rather evade. The counselor would most probably ask you intimate matters about your sex life, as it is one of the things in a couple’s relationship that bigger challenges are inclined to be blatantly reflected. The counselor will strive to maintain a no ‘no-go’ space and securely talk about whatever you have to.


Like any counseling, the real mission of couples counseling occurs outside of your home. Your counselor would probably provide you with activities that you can do as a couple and individually in between the sessions. Taking time to contemplate in between sessions allows you to explain ways in which you can improve on the progress you’ve made so far and successfully triumph over the unraveled challenges. However, viewing the counseling per se as ‘the solution’ on a one-hour-a-week basis would not likely be efficient.

When you and your partner are still willing to fix or improve your relationship, this is when couples counseling is most effective, along with some effects. Having another individual observe and assess the dynamic of your relationship and your partner modifies things, and you can learn more about yourself and your partner as well.

Communication Meltdowns

Disagreement is so frequently seen as unpleasant, yet disparities in opinions and feelings matter where growth and understanding can arise. Your counselor works with you to help you generate a space where you and your partner can express yourself without interfering. What you might hear and say may be puzzling, but evading what is occurring and what each of you actually feels won’t you get where you want to go quickly. Again, do not forget that communication problems are a very typical aspect of couples on counseling.

It’s not hard to criticize ourselves according to our intentions and other people by their impact. When a person talks, we often process what he says through our own opinions that have been influenced by our childhood, beliefs, values, and personalities. We do not hear their explanations; we only hear what the words mean to us. Unraveling these areas of ourselves is a fundamental part of couples counseling. When you successfully understand how you hear what you hear, you will finally be open to freely changing how you listen to others.

More importantly, it is crucial to be aware that couples counseling does not fix profound individual concerns affecting the relationship. Occasionally, It is beneficial to stop or pause the sessions if you need to provide you or both you and your partner time to receive individual guidance and support.


Most of all, you must remember that if your main objective is to change the things you hate about your partner, perhaps couples counseling is not the right option. In counseling, you are encouraged to be accountable for voicing out your needs and desires, but it does not imply that they will always be met. The counselor works as a support system to help you and your partner express yourself freely and considerately. Counselors are not negotiators or referees. Being open-minded to transforming yourself is essential to successful couples counseling.