Everything Is Not As It Seems
I believed that our life was perfect. We were young, supposedly happy, a great business giving us financial comfort, and our third child was on the way. Everything was just bliss. Nothing could go wrong, or so I thought.
My ex-boyfriend, who is now my husband, even defended me to his tiger mom. We were just 18 when we learned that I was pregnant. All throughout our relationship of two years, his mom and aunts were against us. They were even harassing me and telling me to let go of their “prince,” the heir to their business and family name. He came from a very influential family, and of course, certain things were expected of him. It wasn’t anticipated from him that he would impregnate a regular girl from a typical family – that’s me.
And so, when we learned of the fruit of our love growing inside, we eloped and only returned when his family (mainly his mom) agreed that we get married. Fairytale story, huh? It was at first, but when you are young and forced into a situation that you are not ready for, consequences abound. Our wedding was grand, and the most important people in our city became our godparents.
The Best Wedding Ever
They went all out with our wedding. It was lovely. My gown was made of the most exquisite silk and chiffon from Italy, with Swarovski crystals, of course. It was handmade by the best seamstress in the city and designed the country’s top fashion designer for the celebrities. We held the wedding at a 7-star hotel partly owned by their family, and yes, everything was just faultless.
At 18, we had our own house named after my husband, and a part of their business was given to him as his bread and butter. We were having the time of our lives. Little did I know that our life will be a roller coaster ride times ten.
He Can’t Control It
I won’t sugar coat it anymore. My husband had sex with anyone who came his way and was wearing a skirt. The list included his secretary (such a cliché), half of his clients, some of the mothers of his friends, and believe it or not, our nanny. I think that I tried to satisfy his urges, but I’m not enough, I guess. He had to do it every day, and at least twice a day. With my hands full of work and the kids, how can I fulfill his needs?
The priest said, and I committed to those vows – for better or for worse. He is not a terrible person, but he is at his worst right now. His children adore him to bits, and if he is a stupid man, he won’t give his love, time, and effort for them. It’s just that something is wrong with my husband. He likes mature women and would get turned on by the sight of the – tall, dark-haired, sexy, and powerful, mostly. Just like his mother.
I later learned that sex addiction is more than just sex. “Someone with sex addiction isn’t just someone who loves sex. The main symptoms of sex addiction include a loss of control, failed attempts to stop unwanted sexual behavior, and a pattern of negative consequences from anxiety to depression and legal problems.” This was said by Dr. Joe Kort.
Husband Asked For My Help
He learned of his problem. “Sexual addiction is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. Like all addictions, its negative impact on the addict and on family members increases as the disorder progresses. Over time, the addict usually has to intensify the addictive behavior to achieve the same results,” says Michael Herkov, Ph.D.
Not too long ago he asked me for help. He said he wants to change and I see his remorse. Even if my heart bleeds for his behavior, I compelled myself to help him. We had a discreet meeting with a counselor, and we found out that my husband is a sexual addict, and he may be one of those mother-fixated men.
Current treatment might include, according to Dorothy C. Hayden, LCSW.
participating in a 12-step program;
going to an outpatient clinic;
engaging in aversion therapy; or
using medications to stave off hypersexuality.
Right now, he is under therapy for his compulsive behavioral issues, and I am supporting him in all ways possible. We are still married, and I don’t plan on leaving him. I just pray that he gets better, and will learn how to cope with his disorder.