Depression Pushed My Love Away

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Depression can kill romance and make your sex life boring.  When this happens, it will definitely push your love away, and this is the worst scenario you would not want to happen or else it will leave you more depressed.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-V), at least five of the following symptoms must be present within a two-week period with at least one of the symptoms being depressed mood. Additionally, these symptoms must cause apparent distress in social and occupational functioning.

Sleep disturbance
Loss of interest in activities
Feelings of guilt
Loss of energy
Difficulty concentrating
Change in appetite
Psychomotor agitation
Sadness
Suicide ideations

(Mentioned in an article by Kristen Fuller, M.D.)

Most of us struggle with depression at some point in our lives. In fact, depression is the number one cause of disability worldwide according to the World Health Organization.  It doesn’t only cause us to be ineffective in our workplace, but it also affects our ability to love our self and our spouse.

 

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Never Ever Do These Things When You Are In A Relationship (Part II)

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“Finding a long-term partner is the most important decisions you will ever make in your life. It’s actually a good thing to question it. Learning how to know if he’s the one allows you to look at your relationship in a new light.”Lianne Avila, marriage counselor.

In case you still do not understand the importance of keeping a relationship, you might as well consider taking a step back and think about things through. I am not saying that you have to spend an amount of time and effort trying to figure out if your relationship is working or not. All I am trying to say is that you should take a moment to process the problems of your relationship internally. Admit it. You often look outside of the box. You focus too much on the factors that damage your relationship, such as pressure, incompatibility, minor disagreements, and so on. However, you do not intend to evaluate how you react when it comes to engaging with relationship issues.

Never Ever Speak Ill About Your Partner To People You Both Know

“When someone talks kindly and favorably about us, we typically stand up straighter and feel called to higher character,” Jessica Higgins, Ph.D said. “When someone speaks negatively about us, we tend to feel hurt, angry, defensive and resentful.” She’s frequently heard partners say: “If you are going to call me a jerk, I am going to act like a jerk.”

I guess it is normal for you to talk to your friends and family about your relationship situation. Understandably, there is some emotional and mental struggle that needs to come out. But what is not okay is when you intentionally or unintentionally speak ill about your significant other. There is no amount of excuse for that. Not only you are damaging your partner’s reputation, but you are also giving people a wrong impression of your way of handling specific relationship situation. Blaming your significant others for the inconsistencies of the relationship and shoving it to people will not solve anything. Instead, it will only create a more extensive gap that both you and your partner might never patch.

“Excessive complaining doesn’t usually occur in one area, like relationships,” said Lisa Brookes Kift, MFT. “Those who complain tend to have a habit of doing so in life.”

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Never Ever Post Any Relationship Issues On Social Media

Yeah right. You are only trying to express emotions and current mood on your wall. There is nothing personal with that. Therefore, you do not genuinely have to worry about what others might say or think about your status. But is that how you entirely see it? Seriously, if you can’t keep your relationship private, then do not be in a relationship. If you do not understand the meaning of privacy, then do not commit to the responsibility of keeping things in a low profile. Yes, you can brag it online and tell people how good your relationship is. But never post your issues on social media because honestly, nobody cares. You are only trying to ruin yourself by allowing people to comment on your rant.

Never Ever Believe What People Tell You About Your SO

If there is one thing you need to do to keep your relationship healthy; that is never, ever to believe what people tell you about your significant other. But, not unless they have proof to support their unfavorable claim towards your partner, allow yourself to have the benefit of the doubt. Ask your partner about it and have a sincere conversation. But if there’s not much evidence to support anything malicious, then never believe what people say. You and your SO are on the same team so you should work together. Remember, one false accusation can lead to emotional and mental destruction.

Stabilizing a relationship takes quite a lot of effort. But it doesn’t mean you can’t work on it.

Never Ever Do These Things When You Are In A Relationship

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Healthy relationships shouldn’t take much work. And if they do, it’s time to go our separate ways. We must be compatible. If we need therapy, our relationship is already doomed. My partner is supposed to know what I want, and what I need. Healthy couples never argue, because fighting ruins relationships. Margarita Tartakovsky, M.S. says that this is a misconception. Healthy relationship means arguing, not fighting – and built around support and trust.

There are times that we often feel uncomfortable with our relationship. Perhaps that is due to the tons of issues we currently experience. There are too much drama and toxicity that makes us feel uninterested in patching things up with our significant other. In some unfortunate instances, we somehow think that the only reason why need to stay committed is the years spent with our partner that we don’t want to go to waste.

“If you normally shut down, lash out, or disconnect when strong feelings arise in your relationship, developing the skills of emotion mindfulness can help you to get centered, understand what you’re feeling, and better communicate to your partner about what you need, as well as listen to their needs.”Ronald Frederick, Ph.D.

But does it bother you to know that maybe the reason why you do not feel comfortable in the relationship anymore is that you are doing things you are not supposed to?

Never Ever Tell A Stranger A Single Issue Both You And Your Partner Are Dealing With

One particular mistake in a relationship that a lot of people tend to ignore is the idea of looking for an outside zone comfort. No, it is not okay to tell a stranger the things that you and your partner are dealing with. Not only it does create a barrier in your communication, but it also allows a third party to come in and engage. If you still do not get it, it is where an unwanted affair starts. Yes, that is a fact. Cheating sometimes doesn’t happen by choice. Some chances are it can start with a simple “hello” from an unknown person. Then, it becomes an unintentional affair.

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Never Ever Ask A Friend To Say Things To Your Partner On Your Behalf

If you and your significant other are having an issue, there is no way your friends can take sides. But because they often hear only a side of the story, they start to judge. Honestly, that is okay. You cannot blame them for having a split opinion. But the thing you shouldn’t do is to ask them to speak for you. It is your relationship, and it is your partner. Therefore, it is your responsibility to talk and communicate with your significant other. Your friends must stay away on the issue because their involvement is limited to what you and your partner allow.

Never Ever Agree To Let People Decide For Your Relationship

Honestly, it is okay to ask for suggestions and take in some people’s opinion whenever there is one. However, what is not okay is when you allow people to make a life-changing decision that you know you are uncomfortable doing. Not because a lot of people are telling you to do it; it does not mean it will end well. Note that not all comments are useful, and not all suggestions are applicable in your situation. It is your life and your relationship. You are the one that must decide for it because it is you and your partner that will suffer if all goes tumbling down.

Being in a relationship is an ongoing task. It is not all about spending time together and staying happy. There are complications that you and your partner must take into account. Therefore, do not rush into judging and try evaluating yourself too.

“Falling in love is a wonderful feeling. At the beginning of every relationship, everything is new and fresh. A new face, new voice, new body, and, of course, new sexual energy. The mystery is there.”Lianne Avila, marriage and couples counselor. It’s just a reminder for you.

When The Sparks Are Gone, Burnout Could Be The Cause

Life is always hectic. There are still a lot of things to be done every single day and a lot of things to think about and give focus on. Because of this, people tend to forget to focus on themselves without realizing that slowly, they are getting tired, drained, and as therapist calls it, burnt out.

“There can be a visceral sense of your nerves being ‘fried’ or ‘burnt,’ which can include headache, fatigue, irritability, sensory sensitivity,” accordingt to clinical psychologist Jessica Michaelson, PsyD.

Being burnt out affects everyone. You may be an employee or a student, someone with a strong personality or not; having emotional baggage or prolonged stress with you can eventually cause this condition. Besides affecting a person emotionally and mentally, it can also affect a person physically. Nowadays, mostly affected by this condition are students, most specifically college students.

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What Is Burnout?

In an article by Concorde Colleges, burnout was explained as an “emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion that is caused by ongoing stress.” Additionally, Rhonda Gillylan, Student Services Advisor at Concorde Tampa, said that this could be seen when someone is “feeling overwhelmed and unable to meet constant demands.” This state can develop along the way needing further treatment if neglected.

“Often we beat ourselves up for feeling ‘done’ with something, as if it’s a moral failure, so we don’t honor the wisdom of our bodies’ cues,” said clinical psychologist Jessica Michaelson, PsyD. “Being in a chronic state of crisis makes us sick.”

Like other medical conditions, burnout also has its signs and symptoms people should look out for. It has physical and emotional symptoms.

Physical symptoms include:

  • Feeling tired and drained
  • Having illness due to lower immunity
  • Frequent headaches and muscle pains
  • Change in appetite and sleeping patterns

Emotional symptoms include:

  • Self-doubt and sense of failure
  • Feeling defeated and trapped
  • Feeling alone and losing motivation
  • Always have a negative outlook
  • Doesn’t have the feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment
  • Doesn’t want responsibility and often procrastinates
  • Using food, drugs, and alcohol to cope
  • Skipping work or school
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Causes Of Burn Out

  • Pressure and Expectations

These two are at the top of the list of the causes for college burnout. Graduating with honors entails, one should be entirely equipped in handling the hurdles of taking up a degree. It worsens in the long run when parents, relatives, close friends, and even former teachers express their opinions on how you should be faring academically, socially, and emotionally.

On the other hand, starting as an average student may mean lesser expectations, but does not complete the whole picture. Some see college as a chance to start anew, so failing might feel disconcerting if one fails to meet expectations. More importantly, college is labeled as the period where one determines what career he/she should pursue. Trying to meet standards, in the long run, may result in burnout.

  • Isolation

Moving into a new environment where people, academics, and the façade are different are essential adjustments for someone getting in college. It is also crucial to remember this occurs not just to college students in their first year. The feeling of isolation results in a lack of confidence and trust in making friends. It affects ‘one’s approach towards finishing a degree that is supposed to develop you as a whole.

  • Fitting In 
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This is a reaction to the dreaded concept of isolation. However, this may not be a solution to it. Constantly trying to project an image of someone that you are not is a tiring process. College life is a hodgepodge of factors that students must handle. Having to try to fit in is an added stress to the already-stressful pursuit of finishing a degree.

Burn Out And Therapy

“Burnout is a physiological consequence of pushing yourself beyond your physical and emotional limits—sustained stress/fight or flight response—for too long,” said Brandon Santan, PhD, LPC-MHSP.

There is no particular therapy for all and that the treatment itself is confidential. However, there are ways you can use to prevent college burnout. First and foremost, you should acknowledge if you already feel the symptoms of burnout. By stepping in early, you will be able to give yourself the chance to breathe and think lighter than doing it under pressure and stress.

Next would be learning how to say no. It is evident that during ‘one’s college years, students tend to fit in with peers but if you think some of the things are not really who you are – ‘it’s okay to say no. Do not force yourself to like something that will exhaust you in the long run.

Most importantly, rest. Don’t forget that you need enough sleep and rest too. College life can be tiring. You need to deal with school, friends, even love life for that matter but don’t forget, at the end of the day, your body needs to recharge. With the right amount of sleep, you will be more productive, and your thoughts will be more precise.

Experiencing college burnout is becoming more common these days, and it is never a shame to seek therapy and other forms of treatment if this will help. Remember, it is always a must to breathe and set our minds to what our goals are.

Fashion Psychology Experts’ Pro Tip: Feel Free To Wear Trendy Pieces From The 90s Again

Hearing about fashion psychology for the first time tends to be an almost unbelievable experience for some people. After all, we have always known that the “classics” are the clothing pieces and accessories that can forever be useful in almost any style. A “fad,” on the other hand, is a type of fashion that is practically not here to stay. For this reason, a few individuals – especially the ones who love the 90s trends – cannot seem to figure out what items to wear without looking outdated.

Nonetheless, allow us to recommend a few stylish pieces that you can always add to your clothing ensemble on different occasions.

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1. Boots

These are famous footwear back in the day when Justin Bieber and the One Direction are only beginning to wobble. The boots have been put way back in the stands when everyone else has grown up, and the ballet shoes and killer heels have become more appropriate for their line of work. The reason is that the last two mentioned are considerably much lighter than the former, and you can get them in various styles.

Be that as it may, it should not stop you from recreating some of your favorite getups in the 1990s that involve boots. If you are bar hopping with your friends, for instance, ease up on your boots and jacket to look like the biker girl you used to be or once dreamed of becoming. If you will be attending a semi-formal gathering that only requires you to be in a dress, do not hesitate to replace your pumps or stilettos with ankle- or knee-length boots, and remind people your age of how great those years have been for all of you, fashion-wise.

2. Faux Leather Pants

The faux leather is another relevant material used to make those pants that are too difficult to fit in. They look quite remarkable once they are on, so you immediately forget the hardship you have been through and keep on posing in front of the mirror to admire how the faux leather emphasizes your goods. Once again, due to a shift in fashion trends, people rarely wear the pants that they have fallen for in the 90s even when grunge is still viewed as the most epic way to promote self-expression.

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Source: pexels.com

However, it won’t hurt your social image when, even for one night, you embrace the faux leather pants and flaunt them in public. These body-hugging pants can accentuate your figure and make you sexier. It is tough to accomplish when you have to don straight-cut jeans and slacks, which mostly aim to hide your beautiful curves.

3. Irregular Tops

The wearers of grunge are like the rebels of fashion because the colors generally utilized are strictly black and white. Only the hair can be bubblegum pink or shocking blue, but the clothes can be cut in any way that you like. Specifically, with your tops, you want them to be diverse from the “normal.” If the typical shirts have short sleeves and snug fit, you can cut off the sleeves or sever the ends vertically to make them seem scruffier. In case you want to recycle a maxi dress, cut it diagonally in such a way that one side is at the same level as your abdomen, and the other goes down to cover half of your leg.

The rule of having your outfit neatly tucked and symmetric in all aspects is merely applied to individual styles. There is no need to worry about such things when you are going for the grunge.

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4. Thigh-High Stockings

The grunge look can also consist of thigh-high stockings, which you can wear when you are in short dresses or plaid skirts. These stockings are quite different from the pantyhose that are more modest in appearance. They may have designs on them and are best paired with black boots.

When you were born outside of this period, and you wish you could have been there to try that kind of fashion that can now mostly be seen in cosplayers, there is still something you can do. The day before you party or attend a rock concert with your best friends, ascertain that you have such stockings. After that, put on the most basic black dress from your closet. The one with straps is fine in case you know that it will be too hot in the venue, yet the thigh-highs will become effortlessly highlighted when you settle for the long sleeves with small to zero details.

In The End

There is no law at the time of writing this blog that forces anyone to embrace new trends or prevents people from bringing back old styles. In truth, the fashion world is so fluid that the great looks in the 90s or older tend to surface even in the 21st century and get appreciated by the current generation. That should encourage you to start adding the fashion pieces mentioned above in your contemporary style now. Good luck!

Getting Rid Of Anxiety From Breakups

Relationships bring both joy and depression. When we are enjoying our time with our romantic partner, our world appears to be very colorful. But when couples argue, those blissful moments quickly turn into sorrow. Other times, it leaves both individuals with a feeling of anger. Fighting is healthy for a relationship since it builds trust and a better understanding of your partner. However, too much may lead you into a toxic relationship which may bring you anxiety. “Anxiety is a reaction to a situation we perceive as stressful or dangerous,” Monique Reynolds, Ph.D., licensed clinical psychologist.

It is unfortunate, but not all relationships last. It’s always hard to let go of someone you’ve spent a lot of time and effort. As hard as it is, sometimes, it turns out to be the best decision. Breaking up is not easy, and often, it leaves you with anxiety.

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Breaking Up Versus Staying

There is a fine line between hanging onto a relationship and breaking up. If being together is becoming toxic, you should consider breaking up. Staying may only end up breaking you or your partner. To give you some advice, here are four signs to consider.

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  • You Stay In The Blissful Past

You always end up thinking of the past, those times when you were both so happy. Nothing is changing, and maybe your relationship is getting worse. You are only holding onto it believing in a better future. You hope things will someday go back to how they were when you two first met each other.

However, you should consider living in the present. You need to see how both of you are at the moment. Don’t hold on to memories; make new ones.

  • You Feel Drained

After a long day at work, do you still feel that sense of joy when you see your partner? Do you still feel excited to see them again when they come home? You end up feeling scared thinking once you see each other; you’ll only pick up where you left your argument off last night. No matter how many times you fix your misunderstandings, it will always lead back to that. Instead of them making your worries go away, they only end up bringing more to you.

  • Bitterness Remains

When couples argue, they usually say things they don’t mean. They end up bursting with emotions and full of anger and resentment. Sometimes, these words or actions leave a scar. Next time you end up arguing, maybe you’d only go back to your previous fights. It leaves you both pulling each other down instead of lifting each other.

  • You’re Lying To Yourself

You start turning a blind eye to the negative sides of your partner. You believe things will get better when you know deep inside that it won’t. You only end up telling yourself you’re ok when, in truth, you aren’t. Always consider what your mind tells you. Sometimes, it’s not always about how you feel but what you know.

We Broke Up

Yes, breaking up is not easy. It leaves you with pain, depression, fear, and loneliness. However, one of the worst things it can leave you is anxiety. This anxiety can leave you with a sinking sense of restlessness and uncontrollable feelings of worry.

You also start having difficulties in sleeping and concentrating. It also leaves you very irritable of your surroundings. Here are three of the most effective ways to get over it.

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  • Reflect On Yourself

During these times, you’d have to get back to yourself. Don’t feel lonely; you have friends and family who are there for you. You should start exercising, set up a healthy diet, or groom yourself. Always remember a healthy body leads to a healthy soul. “Deep diaphragmatic breathing is a powerful anxiety-reducing technique because it activates the body’s relaxation response. It helps the body go from the fight-or-flight response of the sympathetic nervous system to the relaxed response of the parasympathetic nervous system,” said Marla W. Deibler, PsyD

  • Look Ahead

Think of where you’ll head next. Maybe this is the chance for you to do things you weren’t able to do when you were in a relationship. Set goals to get you right back on track. Keep yourself busy with these goals. Don’t look back and dash through the future.

  • Time And Acceptance

It is probably the most effective solution to breakups. Time does heal; it’s okay to cry, to shout, or to get angry. These are all just a step leading to acceptance. When you’re there at the top accepting everything that happened, you start to recover truly. “When people are anxious, they are usually obsessing about something that might occur in the future,” Tom Corboy, MFT said. “Instead, pause, breathe and pay attention to what’s happening right now,” he said. “Even if something serious is happening, focusing on the present moment will improve your ability to manage the situation,” he added.

Staying in a toxic relationship and breaking up may bring anxiety. The only difference between the two is it is easier to recover when you start anew. Always consider yourself above everything; staying may bring more worries than leaving.

My Husband Cheated – Why The Hell Should I Forgive?

 

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When you find out that your husband has been cheating on you, your emotions will all be full of hatred and pain. Your heart and soul screams hate and you want nothing more but to punish and plan your sweet revenge. The anxiety, frustration, and anger wake you up from your sleep and you vow never to forgive. Right at that very moment, it is very difficult to let go of these emotions.

Indeed, it’s easier said than done, but a majority of mental health experts and individuals who were cheated on say that forgiveness actually benefits the person without fault more than the cheating partner. The negative feelings you feel because of the infidelity are like poison to the body and mind, and forgiveness is apparently the antidote – the solution to getting rid of the poison within.

But how can you forgive? Let us try to understand what forgiveness means and how we are able to achieve it.

What Is Forgiveness?

“Cheating in a marriage or other committed relationship is so destructive that about 50% of the time the couple breaks up.”  Dave Stacho LMHC explains. Forgiving a cheating husband doesn’t mean that you assure him that you are going to forget about what he did. It doesn’t even mean that you’re staying in the marriage if you don’t want to. This is about how you feel about your partner and your internal emotions.

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A mental health professional defines forgiveness as stopping the feeling of resentment towards an offender. He emphasizes, though, that the act of forgiving is not actually for the offender but for you, the individual who got hurt, cheated, and is now holding the resentment. It is part of the individual’s journey towards recovery and healing after being hurt by someone that you truly love. It is moving on after being humiliated and disrespected, so much so that your physical, emotional, and mental health is at the risk of failing.

How Will Forgiving Help Me?

Again, forgiving is not about the cheater but more about the offended – you. And because of this, forgiving can benefit you more than you realize.

  • One Step Towards Believing Again. If there is a little part of you that wants to rebuild your marriage after the infidelity, you will need to trust your husband again. Infidelity destroys a person’s capacity to trust, and forgiving helps rebuild that. If you can’t do that, you may carry the hurt and grudge, affecting your character negatively, even rubbing the dishonesty on you. Remember, “Recovering from an affair is not impossible, but it takes a lot of work. It takes commitment and a willingness to forgive and move forward.” Donna M. White, LMHC, CACP said.

 

  • Resenting Is Mentally Draining. When your mind is full of thoughts about cheating and how to get back at your husband, there’ll be no space left for positivity. Eventually, these thoughts will consume you and you will be damaged physically and mentally. Releasing the resentment will allow you to hope and be encouraged that things will be better tomorrow. Maybe not for you and your husband but for you at least, initially. Dwelling on anger, shame, and revenge will never let you move on.

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  • Forgiving Is Healthy. Forgiving is a healthy way of feeding compassion, love, and respect to the soul. It promotes mental and emotional wellness. It also improves your health because it lowers blood pressure, reduces stress and anxiety levels, decreases symptoms of depression, boosts the immune system, increases self-esteem, and improves heart health. As Ryan M. Niemiec Psy.D. explains, “The strength of forgiveness has been shown to have a powerful buffering effect on stress. Those who are highly forgiving of themselves and others have a far less chance of having a mental illness.”

Should I Stay In The Marriage?

Before answering this in your mind, think about the strength of your relationship. If it was built from a weak foundation, then it cannot withstand the infidelity and you might as well leave and save both you and your husband from more pain and hostility. To be fair to your husband, the cheater, you also need to tell him that you might never forgive him, or not for a long time at least.

However, if you are one of the wives or individuals who are willing to forgive and release the anger, hurt, and resentment for a better life, then continue reading.

How Do I Forgive?

Forgiving your husband is going to be the hardest part of this advice. Even if you’ve decided to take that step of forgiveness, it seems so difficult to do. If all else fails, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.

Therapy is a vital step towards the journey to forgiveness. Counseling will depend on which path you took. If you decided to end your marriage, then individual counseling will work best for you. If you opted to give your marriage another go, then you can try couples counseling. Whichever type of counseling you choose, the results are all worth it.

In therapy, it is important to realize that the therapist won’t erase all your problems in one flip of his wand. As a couple, you should work with the therapist in slowly but surely opening up, releasing your emotions, and starting the journey of healing and reconciliation.

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There is freedom in forgiveness, that’s what experts say – freedom from the ill feelings that will drag you down to your misery and failure. Take that big step now and find out for yourself. It might be your ticket to a happier you.

 

 

 

 

How To Keep Your First Date From Being Anxiety-Ridden

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When you finally meet someone who can be “the one,” the thought of leaving a good impression on that person during the first date tends to fill people’s head with anxiety. That is especially true for women who are nearing their 40s and think that it’s their last chance of building a family. Instead of having fun and getting to know the individual across them, therefore, they get incredibly self-conscious and end up not scoring a second date.

While being aware of your behavior is not bad, it is not too appreciative either. What if you genuinely have more commonalities than differences, yet they cannot come to the surface because of your nervousness? Worse, what if you keep on saying things that you don’t mean and turn off the person in the process?

Considering you want to make the most out of your first date, here are some tips on how to reduce your anxiety.

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1. Know What Your Date Likes

Whether you have the individual’s number or not, there are ways for you to determine what a fun activity is for them. For instance, you can ask your friend who knows that person beforehand to be able to plan the perfect date. In case you got acquainted through Tinder or another dating app, you may check their profile.

“Couples often feel that they know and understand their partner, and are compatible on most issues. However, this is a mistake.”  Dr. Chantal Gagnon PhD LMHC  said. The reason why it’s essential to know their preference is that you want this man or woman to see that you care. You have no idea how your relationship will flourish, but you made an effort to understand their likes and dislikes. That may allow them to feel extra comfortable with you.

2. Be Yourself

You may have probably heard this one a million times, but the fact remains that your date can enjoy being with you once they see that you are showing your true colors. Say, if you are allergic to shrimp or peanuts, don’t try to eat anything with it to impress the other person. Assuming you cannot drink alcohol, you may mention it politely.

As much as you want to please your date, it is always ideal to be yourself from the get-go. The thing is, it seems better to let the individual know who you are now than when your feelings deepen. This way, neither of you will get hurt potentially.

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3. Make Yourself Interesting

While this tip may sound contrasting to the second tip, it is honestly not, considering there are so many facets of your life that you can introduce to your date. The only thing you ought to think of is when’s the best time to do that.

You may start by talking about your hobbies or the stuff you used to do when you were younger. Try not to talk too much, however, about family – or the one that you dream of having – since that might be enough to scare them fast. When it comes to religion, you may tread carefully as well. Besides, “You definitely can hang on to your unique self, trusting you do know yourself enough, while still leaving space for another person to be their own true selves.” Psychotherapist Sona DeLurgio, PsyD, LMFT explains.

4. Discuss Mild, General Topics

It is an unspoken rule never to ask the guy or girl about how many dates they have been to or how many exes they have. After all, you do not want to look too nosy in their eyes.

Instead, feel free to speak about the activities you are interested in or any childhood dream that you still have not fulfilled. If everything goes well, you may even be lucky enough to share your passions with that person.

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Source: pexels.com

5. Remind Yourself That You’re There To Enjoy

In case your nerves have still not calmed down even when you’ve been at the meeting place for 15 minutes, you should try soothing yourself quietly. It won’t hurt to excuse yourself, look at your reflection in the mirror, and remind yourself why you went on that date in the first place. If we are honest, although you wish to get married someday, you are there to enjoy the other person’s company.

To Sum It All Up

“Enthusiastic consent is the standard today for modern relationships; and the best approach to build truly sustainable, thriving relationships for both people,” says Monica White, LMHC. Whether your date will end up as your life partner or not, only time can tell. Despite that, it does not mean that you cannot make your first date enjoyable.

Follow the tips given above to stop your anxiety from ruining your chances of finding love. Good luck!

I Have Everything, But I Have Nothing – A Wife’s Recount On How She Lost Her Husband To A Younger Woman

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My husband left me for a younger woman. Does it hurt? I will just mimic a laugh. The pain is numbing – if that feeling is even possible. For real, I can’t feel anything except that I am spinning and like losing control of my life. I often wonder where I went wrong. And I blame myself for that, at first. He left me and is making a family with her, a woman whom he met at a gambling place, who also happens to be 20 years fresher than me.

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