In a relationship, a lot of us believe that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger. Therefore, the things that hurt us in the slightest of ways get ignored. Perhaps we think that some things are worth to forget and some mistakes require instant forgiveness. “When we choose to hold onto this anger and let it eat us up, it can make us irritable, impatient, distracted, and even physically ill.Forgiveness is all about us, and not about the other person. We don’t forgive other people because they deserve it.” – Kurt Smith, Psy.D., LMFT, LPCC, AFC.
But does it have to be like that all the time? Do we entirely need to exert effort to wholeheartedly accept the person who always hurt us without an excuse? I don’t think so. Even the nicest individual in the world will agree that some things need to change for the better.
Love And Prejudice
We often mistake the idea of love for affection. A lot of us believe that when there is this strong connection, we appear obliged to follow a not-so-worthy relationship rule, which is to forgive and forget. However, the problem lies in the consistency of the damage. You see, it is easy to apologize and say sorry. However, it becomes hard to keep making things better after that. As a result, the apology gets overused because mistakes are getting its way back on its line. Then what happens? We begin to tolerate the slips. We begin to have this ideology that perhaps we deserve the things that are currently in front of us. That whatever we do to make things better, it will be useless because the whole thing relates to our idea of love.
The Sad Truth
“Things don’t disappear on their own. You need to make the commitment to “let it go.” If you don’t make this conscious choice up-front, you could end up self-sabotaging any effort to move on from this past hurt.” – John M. Grohol, Psy.D.
Second chances appear given to those people who deserve it. However, there is no guarantee to know when a person needs it. Unfortunately, we often look at the brighter side of every mistake of our significant other that we do not consider creating an adjustment to how we should deal with things. We get used to the idea that to save a relationship, we have to allow chances multiple times. We become weak in creating decisions because we only focus on hopes and dreams. That is the problem why we get stuck in an unhealthy relationship. We heed towards change, but we, ourselves, do not try and work on it.
It Is Over
It may sound inconsiderate, but the process of giving multiple chances to an individual who doesn’t know how to use it well is stupidity. Yes, it is not love, neither consideration. It is a stupid gesture that we do we believe that people change once we tell them what we think and how we feel. But no! It merely represents an act of ignorance towards the situation we cannot handle. But do not get me wrong. I do not intend to say that we should not forgive those people who hurt us. We should because that is the only thing that brings us peace. What I am trying to emphasize here is that these people, if they are genuinely concern about us, they will exert an effort never to commit the same mistake over and over again. But if that is not how they see us, then we have to guiltlessly call it quits.
“So what is the solution to dealing with resentment against your spouse and its possible escalation to anger? The solution is to channel the shock at your spouse’s behavior into empathy, to try and understand them, and to come at the situation trying to see their perspective.” – Dr. Alicia H. Clark.