Getting into a relationship is easy. Staying in it is the challenge. In the long run, you will start to realize that it’s not all about the hugs and kisses. Troubles will begin to rise from once small issues surrounding your marriage. Compatibility is an issue no matter how much you deny it. They say “opposites attract.” This statement is believable when you are in high school or early adulthood, but once you reach the age where you are already looking for stability, every detail of a person’s personality is vital, as his priorities and values in life.
I’m Michelle, and my husband and I have been married for four years without any kids. I would describe the start of our relationship as love at first sight.
We decided to get married after just six months of dating. So basically, we moved in together right after. “The kind of qualities that are known to reflect love—intimacy, commitment, passion—are not particularly strong in those first moments when people say they’ve fallen in love at first sight. At least, these emotions are not experienced to the same degree as they are by people in established relationships.” – Theresa E DiDonato Ph.D.
At first, everything was smooth. My husband has a job, and so do I. Later on, he wanted me to quit my job and stay home. He said that’s what I should do if I want to have a baby, but I love my career, and I don’t want to quit. I don’t know if I was selfish or what, but I feel like there’s a lot I can do than to stay at home to clean and wait for him.
His mom was a dedicated housewife, so that’s what he wants for me – to be the perfect housewife! But what can I do? I’m not like that. I don’t find happiness in washing the dishes and the laundry, cleaning the toilet and gardening. That’s just not me!
Until now, I have a feeling he still blames me for not having a child. He thinks I’m selfish for wanting to build a life out of my career. Sometimes, I question that myself. Am I selfish? It’s a constant burden to be with someone who wants differently from what you have to give. I feel like I have to be someone else so I could make him happy. I know that eventually, we have to have kids. I also want to be a mother, just not now.
I still love him. Somehow, I don’t want to lose him, but lately, it’s my mind I’m losing whenever we argue. He doesn’t understand where I’m coming from, and I don’t know why he cannot get it! I took the first step in seeking professional help. Maybe I’m stubborn, or is it the way I explain it to him? I don’t know. I’m trusting that I can fix this by getting advice from an online therapist. Maybe then, I’d be able to see and think outside the box.
“Online counseling or e-therapy is available in many different forms and formats. The most commonly conducted form of e-therapy today remains secure e-mail based intervention,” says John M. Grohol, Psy.D. “The other popular type of online counseling intervention is conducted either through webcams (video conferencing), text chat, or telephone.”
Marriage is not all about hugs and kisses. Every couple has their problem to deal with and seeking help means opening yourself up to starting all over and dealing with different issues, or not. So don’t give up just yet. You owe it to the time and emotions you and your partner have invested. Make an effort and save your relationship. Know it gets harder every time, and at the end of the day, it’s just fight or flight. As for me, I choose to fight, and I’m trusting online therapy will help me.
Psychologist Leslie Sokol, Ph.D., says that people can have a great life when they are not consumed with worry. “All that fretting takes you out of the present and prevents you from enjoying what you have. Often if you put away all that meta-analysis, you actually are in the right situation.”