Depression Pushed My Love Away


Depression can kill romance and make your sex life boring.  When this happens, it will definitely push your love away, and this is the worst scenario you would not want to happen or else it will leave you more depressed.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-V), at least five of the following symptoms must be present within a two-week period with at least one of the symptoms being depressed mood. Additionally, these symptoms must cause apparent distress in social and occupational functioning.

Sleep disturbance
Loss of interest in activities
Feelings of guilt
Loss of energy
Difficulty concentrating
Change in appetite
Psychomotor agitation
Suicide ideations

(Mentioned in an article by Kristen Fuller, M.D.)

Most of us struggle with depression at some point in our lives. In fact, depression is the number one cause of disability worldwide according to the World Health Organization.  It doesn’t only cause us to be ineffective in our workplace, but it also affects our ability to love our self and our spouse.


How Depression Kills Romance

Can you love others without loving yourself?  Can you appreciate your partner without appreciating yourself?  Sometimes when you are depressed, it is very hard to appreciate yourself.   You have very low self-esteem and don’t feel good about yourself.  This hinders your ability to communicate your feelings effectively, and sometimes even heat up the situation resulting in an argument.  Your mental instability hinders your ability to focus on your own feelings, and this leaves you numb to other’s feelings for you.  It’s not only you who suffers from your insecurity and loneliness. Your partner is affected as well.   And who wants to be stuck with a person who always feels like a loser?

How Depression Makes Sex Life Boring

What’s no fun?  When you’re down and feeling sad, lonely, and hopeless, it very hard to initiate sex.   Depression seems to make you lose your appetite for sex.  You just don’t have the energy to do it and may cause you to have panic attacks at night.  Depression can sometimes make you feel bad about yourself.  It also makes you think that you’re not good enough, and often you just want to be left alone.

No romance, no sex drive, what would happen now?

Don’t let your depression get in the way of your married life.  Your spouse may understand you but until when?  Can you accept the consequences of your misery?  If your answer is no, then it’s time to take action.

Good Days or Bad Days – Avoid Pushing Your Lover Away

There will be good days and bad days.  When good days come and you’re in the mood, it’s time for you to make up for the lost time.   Give your spouse more love and affection.   Be sweeter and caring.  Time to pull him in, cuddle, and initiate some action in bed.   This is the therapy you both need to lift up your spirits and rekindle the love.

On days when your mood is off, try to think of happy thoughts.   Listen to your favorite upbeat music and dance to it.  Do things that will boost your mood, like walking or exercise.   This will help release endorphins in the brain.  It’s the hormones responsible for feeling happy.  Think of things you could do to avoid pushing your love away.


Sometimes It’s Not Always Sex

When you’re not in the mood for sex, you can just hold your spouse’s hands, tell stories about your happy memories, reminisce the past.  There are ways you can enjoy each other’s company even without doing sex.  Cuddling and simple touching are enough to make your spouse feel secure with the relationship as if nothing is lacking.

Reminders from Susan Heitler Ph.D.

-Problems in getting along as a married couple can play a significant role in the development of depression.
-Husbands and/or wives in marriages with a lot of tension, disagreement, or arguments are 10 to 25 times more likely to experience depression than people who are unmarried or in collaborative marriages. 
-When people saw improvements in their marriages, their depressive symptoms also improved.

Medicationa and therapy can alleviate this issue.

“Depression can be helped by medication and yet it may be helped without medication if the depressed person will seek psychotherapy, which is very effective. Medication alone is easy but does not teach people how to cope with the situations that may have created the depression in the first place.”Margaret Wehrenberg, PsyD.

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