Category Archives: Couples Issues

When The Sparks Are Gone, Burnout Could Be The Cause

Life is always hectic. There are still a lot of things to be done every single day and a lot of things to think about and give focus on. Because of this, people tend to forget to focus on themselves without realizing that slowly, they are getting tired, drained, and as therapist calls it, burnt out.

Being burnt out affects everyone. You may be an employee or a student, someone with a strong personality or not; having emotional baggage or prolonged stress with you can eventually cause this condition. Besides affecting a person emotionally and mentally, it can also affect a person physically. Nowadays, mostly affected by this condition are students, most specifically college students.

Source: pixabay.com

What Is Burnout?

In an article by Concorde Colleges, burnout was explained as an “emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion that is caused by ongoing stress.” Additionally, Rhonda Gillylan, Student Services Advisor at Concorde Tampa, said that this could be seen when someone is “feeling overwhelmed and unable to meet constant demands.” This state can develop along the way needing further treatment if neglected. Like other medical conditions, burnout also has its signs and symptoms people should look out for. It has physical and emotional symptoms.

Physical symptoms include:

  • Feeling tired and drained
  • Having illness due to lower immunity
  • Frequent headaches and muscle pains
  • Change in appetite and sleeping patterns

Emotional symptoms include:

  • Self-doubt and sense of failure
  • Feeling defeated and trapped
  • Feeling alone and losing motivation
  • Always have a negative outlook
  • Doesn’t have the feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment
  • Doesn’t want responsibility and often procrastinates
  • Using food, drugs, and alcohol to cope
  • Skipping work or school
Source: commons.wikimedia.org

Causes Of Burn Out

  • Pressure and Expectations

These two are at the top of the list of the causes for college burnout. Graduating with honors entails, one should be entirely equipped in handling the hurdles of taking up a degree. It worsens in the long run when parents, relatives, close friends, and even former teachers express their opinions on how you should be faring academically, socially, and emotionally.

On the other hand, starting as an average student may mean lesser expectations, but does not complete the whole picture. Some see college as a chance to start anew, so failing might feel disconcerting if one fails to meet expectations. More importantly, college is labeled as the period where one determines what career he/she should pursue. Trying to meet standards, in the long run, may result in burnout.

  • Isolation

Moving into a new environment where people, academics, and the façade are different are essential adjustments for someone getting in college. It is also crucial to remember this occurs not just to college students in their first year. The feeling of isolation results in a lack of confidence and trust in making friends. It affects ‘one’s approach towards finishing a degree that is supposed to develop you as a whole.

  • Fitting In 
Source: flickr.com

This is a reaction to the dreaded concept of isolation. However, this may not be a solution to it. Constantly trying to project an image of someone that you are not is a tiring process. College life is a hodgepodge of factors that students must handle. Having to try to fit in is an added stress to the already-stressful pursuit of finishing a degree.

Burn Out And Therapy

There is no particular therapy for all and that the treatment itself is confidential. However, there are ways you can use to prevent college burnout. First and foremost, you should acknowledge if you already feel the symptoms of burnout. By stepping in early, you will be able to give yourself the chance to breathe and think lighter than doing it under pressure and stress.

Next would be learning how to say no. It is evident that during ‘one’s college years, students tend to fit in with peers but if you think some of the things are not really who you are – ‘it’s okay to say no. Do not force yourself to like something that will exhaust you in the long run.

Most importantly, rest. Don’t forget that you need enough sleep and rest too. College life can be tiring. You need to deal with school, friends, even love life for that matter but don’t forget, at the end of the day, your body needs to recharge. With the right amount of sleep, you will be more productive, and your thoughts will be more precise.

Experiencing college burnout is becoming more common these days, and it is never a shame to seek therapy and other forms of treatment if this will help. Remember, it is always a must to breathe and set our minds to what our goals are.

My Husband Cheated – Why The Hell Should I Forgive?

 

Source: pixabay.com

When you find out that your husband has been cheating on you, your emotions will all be full of hatred and pain. Your heart and soul screams hate and you want nothing more but to punish and plan your sweet revenge. The anxiety, frustration, and anger wake you up from your sleep and you vow never to forgive. Right at that very moment, it is very difficult to let go of these emotions.

Indeed, it’s easier said than done, but a majority of mental health experts and individuals who were cheated on say that forgiveness actually benefits the person without fault more than the cheating partner. The negative feelings you feel because of the infidelity are like poison to the body and mind, and forgiveness is apparently the antidote – the solution to getting rid of the poison within.

But how can you forgive? Let us try to understand what forgiveness means and how we are able to achieve it.

What Is Forgiveness?

Forgiving a cheating husband doesn’t mean that you assure him that you are going to forget about what he did. It doesn’t even mean that you’re staying in the marriage if you don’t want to. This is about how you feel about your partner and your internal emotions.

Source: pixabay.com

A mental health professional defines forgiveness as stopping the feeling of resentment towards an offender. He emphasizes, though, that the act of forgiving is not actually for the offender but for you, the individual who got hurt, cheated, and is now holding the resentment. It is part of the individual’s journey towards recovery and healing after being hurt by someone that you truly love. It is moving on after being humiliated and disrespected, so much so that your physical, emotional, and mental health is at the risk of failing.

How Will Forgiving Help Me?

Again, forgiving is not about the cheater but more about the offended – you. And because of this, forgiving can benefit you more than you realize.

  • One Step Towards Believing Again. If there is a little part of you that wants to rebuild your marriage after the infidelity, you will need to trust your husband again. Infidelity destroys a person’s capacity to trust, and forgiving helps rebuild that. If you can’t do that, you may carry the hurt and grudge, affecting your character negatively, even rubbing the dishonesty on you.

 

  • Resenting Is Mentally Draining. When your mind is full of thoughts about cheating and how to get back at your husband, there’ll be no space left for positivity. Eventually, these thoughts will consume you and you will be damaged physically and mentally. Releasing the resentment will allow you to hope and be encouraged that things will be better tomorrow. Maybe not for you and your husband but for you at least, initially. Dwelling on anger, shame, and revenge will never let you move on.

Source: phoenixarisingsite.wordpress.com

  • Forgiving Is Healthy. Forgiving is a healthy way of feeding compassion, love, and respect to the soul. It promotes mental and emotional wellness. It also improves your health because it lowers blood pressure, reduces stress and anxiety levels, decreases symptoms of depression, boosts the immune system, increases self-esteem, and improves heart health.

Should I Stay In The Marriage?

Before answering this in your mind, think about the strength of your relationship. If it was built from a weak foundation, then it cannot withstand the infidelity and you might as well leave and save both you and your husband from more pain and hostility. To be fair to your husband, the cheater, you also need to tell him that you might never forgive him, or not for a long time at least.

However, if you are one of the wives or individuals who are willing to forgive and release the anger, hurt, and resentment for a better life, then continue reading.

How Do I Forgive?

Forgiving your husband is going to be the hardest part of this advice. Even if you’ve decided to take that step of forgiveness, it seems so difficult to do. If all else fails, don’t hesitate to seek professional help.

Therapy is a vital step towards the journey to forgiveness. Counseling will depend on which path you took. If you decided to end your marriage, then individual counseling will work best for you. If you opted to give your marriage another go, then you can try couples counseling. Whichever type of counseling you choose, the results are all worth it.

In therapy, it is important to realize that the therapist won’t erase all your problems in one flip of his wand. As a couple, you should work with the therapist in slowly but surely opening up, releasing your emotions, and starting the journey of healing and reconciliation.

Source: bestsayingsquotes.com

There is freedom in forgiveness, that’s what experts say – freedom from the ill feelings that will drag you down to your misery and failure. Take that big step now and find out for yourself. It might be your ticket to a happier you.

 

 

 

 

How To Keep Your First Date From Being Anxiety-Ridden

how-to-keep-your-first-date-from-being-anxiety-ridden-1

Source: maxpixel.net

When you finally meet someone who can be “the one,” the thought of leaving a good impression on that person during the first date tends to fill people’s head with anxiety. That is especially true for women who are nearing their 40s and think that it’s their last chance of building a family. Instead of having fun and getting to know the individual across them, therefore, they get incredibly self-conscious and end up not scoring a second date.

While being aware of your behavior is not bad, it is not too appreciative either. What if you genuinely have more commonalities than differences, yet they cannot come to the surface because of your nervousness? Worse, what if you keep on saying things that you don’t mean and turn off the person in the process?

Considering you want to make the most out of your first date, here are some tips on how to reduce your anxiety.

how-to-keep-your-first-date-from-being-anxiety-ridden-2

Source: pixabay.com

1. Know What Your Date Likes

Whether you have the individual’s number or not, there are ways for you to determine what a fun activity is for them. For instance, you can ask your friend who knows that person beforehand to be able to plan the perfect date. In case you got acquainted through Tinder or another dating app, you may check their profile.

The reason why it’s essential to know their preference is that you want this man or woman to see that you care. You have no idea how your relationship will flourish, but you made an effort to understand their likes and dislikes. That may allow them to feel extra comfortable with you.

2. Be Yourself

You may have probably heard this one a million times, but the fact remains that your date can enjoy being with you once they see that you are showing your true colors. Say, if you are allergic to shrimp or peanuts, don’t try to eat anything with it to impress the other person. Assuming you cannot drink alcohol, you may mention it politely.

As much as you want to please your date, it is always ideal to be yourself from the get-go. The thing is, it seems better to let the individual know who you are now than when your feelings deepen. This way, neither of you will get hurt potentially.

how-to-keep-your-first-date-from-being-anxiety-ridden-3

Source: pixabay.com

3. Make Yourself Interesting

While this tip may sound contrasting to the second tip, it is honestly not, considering there are so many facets of your life that you can introduce to your date. The only thing you ought to think of is when’s the best time to do that.

You may start by talking about your hobbies or the stuff you used to do when you were younger. Try not to talk too much, however, about family – or the one that you dream of having – since that might be enough to scare them fast. When it comes to religion, you may tread carefully as well.

4. Discuss Mild, General Topics

It is an unspoken rule never to ask the guy or girl about how many dates they have been to or how many exes they have. After all, you do not want to look too nosy in their eyes.

Instead, feel free to speak about the activities you are interested in or any childhood dream that you still have not fulfilled. If everything goes well, you may even be lucky enough to share your passions with that person.

how-to-keep-your-first-date-from-being-anxiety-ridden-4

Source: pexels.com

5. Remind Yourself That You’re There To Enjoy

In case your nerves have still not calmed down even when you’ve been at the meeting place for 15 minutes, you should try soothing yourself quietly. It won’t hurt to excuse yourself, look at your reflection in the mirror, and remind yourself why you went on that date in the first place. If we are honest, although you wish to get married someday, you are there to enjoy the other person’s company.

To Sum It All Up

Whether your date will end up as your life partner or not, only time can tell. Despite that, it does not mean that you cannot make your first date enjoyable.

Follow the tips given above to stop your anxiety from ruining your chances of finding love. Good luck!

I Have Everything, But I Have Nothing – A Wife’s Recount On How She Lost Her Husband To A Younger Woman

Source: pixabay.com

My husband left me for a younger woman. Does it hurt? I will just mimic a laugh. The pain is numbing – if that feeling is even possible. For real, I can’t feel anything except that I am spinning and like losing control of my life. I often wonder where I went wrong. And I blame myself for that, at first. He left me and is making a family with her, a woman whom he met at a gambling place, who also happens to be 20 years fresher than me.

Continue reading

Protected: Learn How To Save The Marriage From The 2016 Phoenix Couples Therapy Workshops

This content is password protected. To view it please enter your password below:

You’re Getting Divorced: Does Your Child Need Therapy?

pixabay.com

Divorce may be a difficult time not just for parents but to your child, as well. While divorce is unique to every family, its effects on children have a common issue with added concerns. Your child may not show a hard time coping with stress from divorce, but it doesn’t mean that he or she won’t need therapy.

Continue reading

How To Encourage Your Husband To Attend Couples Therapy

Manly men tend to follow specific rules in life that may or may not make sense to others. For instance, even though they are in pain after surgery, they insist on driving home on their own. If the plumbing is faulty or a lighting fixture needs repair, they get their tools to fix either without a professional’s help. Any problem that affects the household members should be resolved by them as well. Otherwise, these men may not feel like they are doing an excellent job in the family department.

Source: pixabay.com

The real issue with guys who live with this kind of mindset is that they hardly see the essence of attending couples therapy. Some assume that the treatment is only for weak or mentally unstable people. Others believe that there’s just nothing wrong about them; that’s why it’s a waste of money to enroll to one.

In case that smells like applesauce to you, and your husband is no different from the type of men mentioned above, then here’s how you can encourage him to go to therapy for couples with you.

Source: maxpixel.net

  1. Lay Out The Facts

Individuals tend to be oblivious of hard truths, primarily when you never speak openly about it. A quick fix to that is to have a sit-down meeting with your spouse to discuss everything that seems problematic in your relationship. Then, you can tell how much you want to resolve this stuff so that you’ll be able to live together in peace.

  1. Express The Benefits Of Marriage Counseling

The objection of some guys to couples therapy sometimes come from their lack of knowledge on the advantages it will bring to your marriage. Due to that, you may conduct a little research on the benefits of this form of counseling before asking your better half to attend one. That won’t be a difficult task since there are a few web pages dedicated to this topic.

  1. Stress That You Won’t Go There To Blame Each Other

Another secret fear of men who refuse to receive counseling is that you will merely start blaming one another there. “If that’s all we’re going to do, we can do that here and now without paying anyone,” a husband might say. Your goal at this point, therefore, is to help your significant other to realize that that’s not the reason why you wish to attend therapy. It’s mostly because you want a lasting relationship with him, and that may not happen if you got issues you don’t discuss on your own.

Source: defense.gov

  1. Talk About The Counselor You Found

In case your spouse’s complaint is that he does not know the therapist, that is your cue to speak of the accolades of the mental health professional you found. Mention the good things you heard about this counselor from your friends or relatives. Emphasize the affordability of his or her services, especially if your husband is budget-conscious. The more he can envision what kind of therapist you chose, the easier it may be to encourage him to go to couples therapy.

Be sure to try these tips if you believe that your relationship with your better half can improve through intervention.

Good luck!

Ways To Pull Your Partner Up From Crippling Anxiety

Because your partner deserves all the love, understanding, and support, you can give. As this , https://internalmedsh.com/ concurs.

 

Under no circumstance is severe anxiety a positive thing. The constant panic attacks and moments living in perpetual fear are debilitating. Not only is the person affected but the effects extend to the members of the family, friends, and significant others.

source: pexels.com

Continue reading

Are Your Partner’s Mood Swings Caused By Mental Illness?

Source: pinimg.com

According to magnetism, opposite poles repel. On the other hand, an old proverb says that birds of the same feather flock together. Both may be true in their respective fields or whatever you want to refer them to, but I don’t think either will fit in when you’re talking about relationships.

Continue reading

Things You Shouldn’t Say To Your Partner with Depression

Source: bridgestorecovery.com

Depression is a serious and difficult issue. Individuals suffering from it can try to explain how it’s like, but it doesn’t fully capture the experience. It’s hard to entirely have a grasp of how it feels like unless you go through it yourself.

Continue reading