Category Archives: Couples Issues

Save The Family By Fixing A Marital Relationship

Have you ever thought of fixing a marriage because your family relationship is falling apart? But what if your wife or husband is already on the brink of filing for a divorce? What if your spouse is no longer interested in being in a relationship with you, but you know you need to stick with the marriage for your family’s sake? Would you choose to let go or rather fight the issues so that the relationship won’t end?

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The Consequences

If a marriage falls apart, it affects not only the couples but also the whole family. When both you and your spouse decide to let go of the relationship, then you no longer want to it. That is okay. Typically, it happens when both agreed to end the marriage because they see no solutions to their problems anymore. Honestly, it is a valid reason to end a commitment that is going nowhere. However, both of you should prepare yourselves for the consequences of that particular action. When you and your partner split up, the struggle doesn’t end there. Both of you will need to comply with each other’s agreements and conveniences. And to top it off, both you and your spouse will have to deal with your responsibilities with your children separately.

The Mental And Emotional Damage

Respectively, thousands of marriages end up with divorce. For some, it helps them in a way to discover and heal themselves. But in line with that idea, the process is not limited to the affected couples only. Usually, the children from a broken family tend to experience an unbearable impact. That explains why most kids with divorced parents tend to struggle mentally and emotionally. That is because these young individuals suffer from neglect and parental alienation. Of course, not every marriage that ends in divorce is terrible. Some situations prove that splitting up is way better than being together, especially when there is the involvement of abuse.

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Stop Negative Chain Reactions

A relationship will feel better if both of you learn to stop the adverse chain reactions while you still can. Mostly, everything you do or say in a crumbling marriage sets a negative chain reaction effect. It is like having an argument where both of you have the potential to become angry. From there, you will start blaming each other for the things you can’t control. Then when both of you cans no longer support a healthy discussion, you start attacking each other personally. That is how distance comes in. As a result, both you and your spouse become less and less happy. Soon, there will be a disconnection and breakup. See, there is a chain of reactions even from having a regular argument from a misunderstanding. From that particular scenario, the marital issue will begin to take a toll on everyone’s lives. There will be constant heated arguments in the house where children soon become affected. It will then create a barrier that will block any communication and compassion. Eventually, everyone’s overall health is at risk, and that can be the start of an emotional and mental shutdown.

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Create Positive Chain Reactions

Wanting to fix a relationship is not easy. It requires hard work and consistency. Thus, both of you should focus on creating positive chain reactions instead of negative ones. When you manage to do this, both of you can breathe a sigh of relief. It will give you both hopes that whatever the situation is, you can work things out. But it is important to note that creating positive chain reactions is not something one side should only do. Both are responsible for making each other feel better. Positive chain reactions can begin from having regular laughter. It makes the relationship more comfortable and relaxed despite the many disagreeing situations. When there is laughter, it can start better communication, where both of you can feel closer together. From that, both of you can begin to enjoy each other’s company because you do not take the argument seriously.

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Takeaway

There is no perfect relationship and not even an ideal family. But the only way to strengthen a family is by having a blissful and happy marriage. With that, both of you should start fixing your communication. You and your partner should learn to listen and respond kindly to each other. From there, you need to give respect. Not only because you think you have to, but because both you and your partner deserve it. Third, both of you have to chill out. If you take things seriously, you might end up not seeing a better picture of the situation. Lastly, you need to appreciate and love each other more. If you believe that your family is essential in your life, then you have to take care of that precious thing by not ruining anything that connects to it.

Reducing Stress And Anxiety At Home

 

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The organizers of the Stress Management Conference 2019 delivered an excellent program for an exchange of insights and views by renowned scientists, which covered much of the scope of research in anxiety, depression, and stress management. The attendees, who were clearly satisfied with what they learned and experienced, especially the world-class facilities that the venue was equipped with, witnessed talks from psychiatrists, psychologists, and other healthcare professionals. The conference featured plenty of interesting academic programs, such as workshops, panel discussions, presentations, and scientific sessions. Among the most discussed topics in the event was how to reduce stress and anxiety in the home, and we will be sharing with you some of the simple tips shared by some of the psychiatrists.

Be open to each other. You know your spouse and your children more than anyone. When they act differently, you’d know something’s up, so rather than avoiding what’s obvious, ask them how they’re feeling or if something’s bothering them. Teens are moody and unpredictable but making them feel that you there for them may encourage them to confide in you.

Leave work stress at the workplace. You might have gotten used to keeping a jolly face at work, but perhaps you’ve also been letting your family have it when you get home. Don’t bring your work stress to your family and do them more harm than good. Take a deep breath before entering your front door and remember that your family is the most important thing in your life. You must protect it physically, emotionally, and mentally.

Share the chores. Who loves doing household chores, right? But they do have to be done to keep a clean and safe home. So instead of hearing the complaints and hesitations, why don’t you share the chores with all family members? Divide the chores like washing the dishes, tidying up the kitchen after meals, vacuuming, and throwing the trash. This can definitely avoid future conflicts. If everyone puts in some effort, no one will feel like they’ve been ‘abused’ by having most of the chores. Besides, it’s a great teaching moment for the whole family.

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Eat as a family. Dinnertime is usually when everyone’s around, and that makes it one of the most important family moments. It’s when dad is relaxing and watching television while waiting for the food to get cooked, and you’re in the kitchen prepping things up, and the children just finished with their homework or ballet classes. Everyone is relaxed and eager to eat.

Dinners are also a great time to check on what’s up with each of your family members. You can ask them how their day went and then maybe it can start a conversation that relieves one of your kids because finally, he was able to talk things out with you. It’s a vital time to get to know your family and what they’re going through. You can even end it with an exciting board game after, especially if it’s a weekend.

 

 

Separated In Lockdown: How To Maintain Long-Distance Relationships Amid COVID-19 Pandemic

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The social distancing brought by the COVID-19 pandemic has transformed the dynamic of romantic relationships. Especially if you’re quarantining away from your partner, physical contact is a total impossibility. The situation is particularly tough because touch is a way of feeling connected and showing your love to each other. Removing this from the equation, especially in a stressful time like this makes it harder to sustain a relationship.

The global pandemic makes time an uncertain factor as you are away from each other without a certainty of being reunited again any sooner. This lack of reassurance can spark frustration and feeling of loneliness. However, although a long-distance relationship can be challenging, dating apart together with success is more than possible. There are a lot more ways to still feel together, despite having to be physically distant from each other.

If you’re dating long-distance during COVID-19, here are some tips that will help you and your partner share and create intimate moments together afar:

Make The Most Out Of Messaging Apps

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Communication is simply the most vital aspect of any relationship. The time you get to talk to each other during isolation is valuable. For that reason, make sure that you stay in touch regularly. Make the most out of social media and messaging apps where you can engage in chatting, phone calls, and video calls so that you can still be with each other in some way.

Now is the time to manage distant communication intensity. Work around your schedules and make time for each other by talking frequently.

It can also be an opportunity to level up your sexual intimacy by having fun in experimenting with how you can satisfy each other’s sexual urges on-camera or through drafting passionate and intimate messages for each other. It will also allow you to learn how to make things hotter the next time you get together.

Prepare Virtual Dates

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It is easier said than done, but try to find a way to carry on with the usual activities that you can do at this time. The pandemic is all over the news. Try to take a step back and breathe and make sure that this does not consume your life and energy.

With your partner, you can do a lot of things together while you are apart. It can be a time to learn more about each other by playing games together that involves asking questions and telling stories about your life.

You can also watch TV series or movies together while you’re video calling, or you can have virtual dinner dates together. Also, more and more celebrities and musicians are doing live online concerts or uploading their past shows on the Internet, so you can even “go” to a romantic concert date together.

Try to be creative by setting the scene of the background of your video call. You can put a candlelit on the table as if you’re together, or you can dress up like you’re going to a fancy restaurant—the possibilities are endless.

Make Plans For The Future

The pandemic will not last forever, and you and your partner will eventually see each other again, so what are you going to do when that day comes?

Planning an activity together can be a great bonding time and distraction from the anxiety the pandemic is causing. It also gives you something to be excited about and look forward to when this end.

Plan a memorable trip or activity that you will both enjoy. As early as now, you may want to make a list of things that you’ll do and research hotels and restaurants in the place that you want to go to and the activities that you can do there.

Making plans for the future can allow you and your partner to see the positive things when apart.

Give Each Other Reassurance

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As much as you can, talk about your fears and worries to your partner openly and honestly. Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D., says, “Couples who share their feelings, both good and bad, are closer than partners who just try to tough it out.” What’s best for you in this challenging time is to acknowledge your true feelings. Communicate and take turns listening to each other about serious conversations about your job, your relationships, or your family.

Giving each other assurances can further deepen your relationship as a couple and improve your mindset as an individual. Assuring your partner that everything will eventually turn out okay and giving advice to each other can help ease both of your worries.

Conclusion

Remember, this is just a temporary set-up. To make this setting work, you both need to exert more effort in understanding each other and making things work to stay connected. This COVID-19 pandemic can teach us that separation is not always bad. Instead, it allows us to strengthen our bonds and relationships even when away from our loved ones.

Marriage And Family Therapists And What They Do

 

Family, Parents, Mother, Happiness, Portrait, Children

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The 2017 Couples Therapy Symposium was an event that was aimed at developing leadership skills and improving therapists’ way of dealing with partners, individuals, and families who needed help with the challenges they were facing in life. Those who just graduated from their family therapy course, and even the seasoned ones were encouraged to join the event, as different speakers spoke about various topics that were definitely beneficial to all family therapists.

In relation to this, we would like to share a few details on marriage and family therapy – who the professionals are in this field and what they do.

Who Are They?

MFTs or marriage and family therapists are members of the mental health team trained in the field of psychotherapy. They are qualified to diagnosed and administer treatments for emotional and mental illnesses that are experienced by couples and family members. These are a group of therapists who have studied and gained at least 13 years of clinical experience in marriage and family therapy. They are committed to helping partners and families address their family issues.

What Do They Do?

LMFTs:

  • diagnose and treat mental illnesses
  • formulate treatment plans
  • practice psychotherapy with couples, individuals, and family members
  • guide and help their clients in improving interpersonal skills
  • do interviews, discussions, and assessments to collect information about their clients.

Other than providing these services to their clients, they also advertise their services, especially if they do private practice. These kinds of therapists spend quite a sufficient amount of time writing progress notes, evaluations, and recommendations.

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How are they different from the other types of therapists? Aside from the fact that their scope is mostly psychotherapy and dealing with mental health issues, they are also the therapists who spend more than half of their time working on family dynamics and how they impact a family’s psychological health. Every day, they tackle various issues of people from all walks of life. They are focused more on improving one’s self-esteem to prevent anxiety, depression, anger, and other negative emotions. They are committed to reaching out to families that are somehow broken and want to be whole again.

 

 

A Story Of A Wife’s Agonizing Pain Of Having To Live With A Sexually Addicted Husband

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Sex and intimacy are all part of marriage. It is the symbol of love and unity of two unique individuals. Some countries observe a conservative approach when it comes to this topic. Catholic nations denounce sexual intercourse outside marriage, more so with multiple partners. Meanwhile, there are countries which are open-minded about this delicate subject.

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Helping Your Spouse Deal With Depression

Marriage is composed of two unique individuals who came from a different family and had different life experiences. When you get married, it means you are embracing both the good and the bad about your partner. You don’t just call it off because of a mistake, a shortcoming, or a status. Marriage faces different kinds of challenges from within like when the other party is having a mental health condition such as depression.

“Depression is not a weakness of character, laziness, or a phase. Tough love, like telling someone to ‘buck up’ or ‘try harder,’ doesn’t work, and worsens the illness,” says Deborah Serani, PsyD.

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What A Depressive Husband Sounds Like

Finding a partner in life is crucial in determining your wellbeing. It is vital in keeping you healthy, sane, and successful. If you want to have a peaceful and happy life, you better make sure the partner you get is someone that will bring you positivity in life instead of causing you stress or depression.

“Depression is not a weakness of character, laziness, or a phase. Tough love, like telling someone to ‘buck up’ or ‘try harder,’ doesn’t work, and worsens the illness,” according to Deborah Serani, PsyD.

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Advantages And Disadvantages Of Long Distance Relationships

They say, “Love conquers all,” but does it? How does love work with time apart from each other? Would long-distance relationships last longer than when you are physically together? How do couples make it work when they could not see or touch each other?

“A long-distance relationship or LDR is typically an intimate relationship that takes place when the partners are separated by a considerable distance. No one is geographically undesirable anymore but many are geographically challenged with the goal of maintaining love at a distance.”Suzanne Phillips, Psy.D., ABPP.

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Psychiatry: Marriage Causing Mental Illness (You Need To End It)

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“Acknowledging the relationship was no longer working can be difficult and walking away even harder,” says counselor Victoria Gigante, Ed.M.

An unhealthy relationship can cause too much emotional stress that possibly links to some severe mental illness. It will affect all the areas of your life and turn it upside down. It can damage your social interaction, self-worth, self-confidence, and productivity. That is why psychiatrists tend to explain why it is necessary to understand the need for courage when it’s time to end the marriage.

 

Unbalanced Relationship

Being stuck in a relationship that hinders you from developing a confident personality is a sign that you should end the marriage. When one or both of you don’t contribute to the growth of your partner anymore, your marriage tends to get stuck in problematic situations over and over again. Your argument about little things can cause both of your time and effort that will eventually end up wasted. Your marriage will become the definition of difficulties that seem to be unmanageable. You will ultimately feel less appreciated and unloved.

“Breaking up can be a really difficult decision. You can look at a relationship from outside and say you have some really unsolvable problems, you should break up’ but from the inside that is a really difficult thing to do and the longer you’ve been in a relationship, the harder it seems to be.”Samantha Joel, PhD.

At most times, you will have this struggle in keeping yourself together. You end up ignoring plans and start to go on a different path. It is complicated since married couples should know how to compromise. When you happen to have an honest conversation and realize that a stable future is unrealistic, then it’s time to let go. There is no reason for you to keep yourself strangled by the idea that marriage is always perfect. You need to consider your emotional happiness as well.

 

Deteriorating Health

Your marriage should have to be the reason for your complete wellbeing. Though it is normal to experience several misunderstandings, it shouldn’t put you in a position that you can no longer function. When you feel the extreme pressure of maintaining your emotional equilibrium and mental responsiveness, then you are not healthy anymore. If you struggle to identify your personality and feel like you’re losing control over yourself, then you need to breakthrough. The shame, guilt, anxiety, and pressure will not only make it impossible for you to keep going, but it’ll also drastically damage your wellbeing in no time.

 

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Negative Impact

When you’re marriage is not positively affecting your life, then it’s time for you to pull yourself out. The kind of relationship that hinders you from becoming productive will soon create a different version of yourself. You’ll become more insensitive, paranoid, afraid, depressed, and sometimes suicidal. Your family and friends may also suffer from the stress that your marriage can give you. In severe cases, you may tend to lose your own identity because of the pain and suffering.

 

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You may suffer a lot from those uncomfortable feelings that contribute to damaging effects, but you have to pull yourself and try harder to stay on track. It may take you a while to realize the need for ending a relationship, but factors that continuously damage your emotional and psychological health are enough reason to get out of the situation. Remember that you are supposed to feel loved and not to be dragged down.

Advocate on mental health, online depression community creator, and Special Advisor to the Johns Hopkins Mood Disorder Center, Therese Borchard says, “I realize the most difficult task for a person with a broken heart is to stand still and feel the crack. But that is exactly what she must do. Because no shortcut is without its share of obstructions. Here’s a simple fact: You have to grieve in order to move on.”

 

Sexual Addiction Strikes A Marriage – What To Do?

Everything Is Not As It Seems

 I believed that our life was perfect. We were young, supposedly happy, a great business giving us financial comfort, and our third child was on the way. Everything was just bliss. Nothing could go wrong, or so I thought.

My ex-boyfriend, who is now my husband, even defended me to his tiger mom. We were just 18 when we learned that I was pregnant. All throughout our relationship of two years, his mom and aunts were against us. They were even harassing me and telling me to let go of their “prince,” the heir to their business and family name. He came from a very influential family, and of course, certain things were expected of him. It wasn’t anticipated from him that he would impregnate a regular girl from a typical family – that’s me.

And so, when we learned of the fruit of our love growing inside, we eloped and only returned when his family (mainly his mom) agreed that we get married. Fairytale story, huh? It was at first, but when you are young and forced into a situation that you are not ready for, consequences abound. Our wedding was grand, and the most important people in our city became our godparents.

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The Best Wedding Ever

They went all out with our wedding. It was lovely. My gown was made of the most exquisite silk and chiffon from Italy, with Swarovski crystals, of course. It was handmade by the best seamstress in the city and designed the country’s top fashion designer for the celebrities. We held the wedding at a 7-star hotel partly owned by their family, and yes, everything was just faultless.

At 18, we had our own house named after my husband, and a part of their business was given to him as his bread and butter. We were having the time of our lives. Little did I know that our life will be a roller coaster ride times ten.

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He Can’t Control It

I won’t sugar coat it anymore. My husband had sex with anyone who came his way and was wearing a skirt. The list included his secretary (such a cliché), half of his clients, some of the mothers of his friends, and believe it or not, our nanny. I think that I tried to satisfy his urges, but I’m not enough, I guess. He had to do it every day, and at least twice a day. With my hands full of work and the kids, how can I fulfill his needs?

The priest said, and I committed to those vows – for better or for worse. He is not a terrible person, but he is at his worst right now. His children adore him to bits, and if he is a stupid man, he won’t give his love, time, and effort for them. It’s just that something is wrong with my husband. He likes mature women and would get turned on by the sight of the – tall, dark-haired, sexy, and powerful, mostly. Just like his mother.

I later learned that sex addiction is more than just sex. “Someone with sex addiction isn’t just someone who loves sex. The main symptoms of sex addiction include a loss of control, failed attempts to stop unwanted sexual behavior, and a pattern of negative consequences from anxiety to depression and legal problems.” This was said by Dr. Joe Kort.

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Husband Asked For My Help

He learned of his problem. “Sexual addiction is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts. Like all addictions, its negative impact on the addict and on family members increases as the disorder progresses. Over time, the addict usually has to intensify the addictive behavior to achieve the same results,” says Michael Herkov, Ph.D.

Not too long ago he asked me for help. He said he wants to change and I see his remorse. Even if my heart bleeds for his behavior, I compelled myself to help him. We had a discreet meeting with a counselor, and we found out that my husband is a sexual addict, and he may be one of those mother-fixated men.

Current treatment might include, according to Dorothy C. Hayden, LCSW.

participating in a 12-step program;
going to an outpatient clinic;
engaging in aversion therapy; or
using medications to stave off hypersexuality.

Right now, he is under therapy for his compulsive behavioral issues, and I am supporting him in all ways possible. We are still married, and I don’t plan on leaving him. I just pray that he gets better, and will learn how to cope with his disorder.