Caring For A Partner With Multiple Personality Disorder – In Sickness And In Health

One of the hardest people to handle is someone with multiple personality disorder.    It will sometimes not allow you to go anywhere or do things together as a couple.  Learn how to manage the different persons in your partner, don’t let them have control over you and your partner.

“Emotional and verbal abuse in a marriage is a grey area.” –Dr. Chantal Gagnon PhD LMHC



Understanding Multiple Personality Disorder

Multiple personality disorder or dissociative identity disorder (DID) is a severe condition where two or more different personality states are present in—one person at a time take control of—an individual. The person experiences memory loss that cannot be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.  Individuals with this disorder are often victims of abuse in the past.

“For many people, the word “abuse” evokes images of physical violence and the visible marks it leaves. However, abuse comes in many forms, some of which are more subtle and harder to pinpoint. Emotional, verbal, and psychological abuse can build slowly in a relationship, and you may become accustomed to giving away little bits of your will and desire until eventually you’ve given all your power over to your partner.” –Brandy Parris, MA, LMHC

Survival Kit, Learn How to Deal and Handle Each Personality

Being well informed allows you to be well equipped on how to deal with some circumstances.  You will never feel lost in the dark, any anger, and any fear.

  1. Always show him and tell him you love him over and over. Though, he doesn’t still believe it.  It will somehow lessen the uncertainty.  If you got your fears, he also has. He also feels insecure at times, and it makes him feel bad.   Things won’t be easy, but love and acceptance will help you both survive.



  1. Be honest and open. It is to help you understand how the person feels.   He can tell you some tips on how you can handle the other persons.   You can find encouragement in each other.
  2. Respect. Respect him and every other individual that is in him.   Understand that each person has his individuality.   Establish a good relationship with each, because you may not know who’s in front of you, but they all know you well.
  3. Prepare yourself for peculiarities. They will sometime oppose each other.   For you to survive, learn to tolerate every change of mind to the extreme.
  4. Be careful. For those who were victims of violence as a child, this may cause him to react to that situations differently.   A part of him may be violent, too, one may be needing care, the other may just want to be left alone.  You can ask him how he wants to be touched or cared for in these situations.
  5. Let him experience what he missed. Help him get over the trauma by letting him experience things that he lost.  Be creative.   Like if he was bullied, be a friend.   Play with him, go out, and do fun stuff together.  It will help heal the part of him that was hurting.


  1. Intimacy.  It is the hardest and most sensitive issue to address.   It will sometimes be hard for you not to be intimate with your partner, but you have to understand that you are with different part of him every moment.  Be sensitive to who you are with, especially, when your partner experienced sexual abuse at one point.   Being intimate can be a trigger.   So, this is an area where you need to be extra careful.   Know who you are with before you initiate an action and be prepared for the reaction after.   It’s not all the same.
  2. Take care of yourself. Be sure to have support groups to give you strength.   That strength is what you need to keep the love that binds you to him in sickness and in health.


It is not easy to live with a person with multiple personality disorder.   At times, it’s scary, sometimes challenging, sometimes you just wish to walk away.

“Give yourself time to heal. We can be harder on ourselves than on any other person. Realize that fully overcoming the issues you had to face during your relationship may take time, and that’s OKAY.” –Heather Edwards LMHC, NCC, BCC

Always seek help when things seem unmanageable.  Be with your partner during his therapy sessions and still be in communication with the therapist so you will know his progress.   Continuous therapy, love, and understanding will surely help him heal and unite all the persons created in him.

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