Manly men tend to follow specific rules in life that may or may not make sense to others. For instance, even though they are in pain after surgery, they insist on driving home on their own. If the plumbing is faulty or a lighting fixture needs repair, they get their tools to fix either without a professional’s help. Any problem that affects the household members should be resolved by them as well. Otherwise, these men may not feel like they are doing an excellent job in the family department.
“Couples’ expectations about what marriage should be like are completely off from the reality of what marriage is actually like,” Dr. Chantal Gagnon PhD LMHC says. But the real issue with guys who live with this kind of mindset is that they hardly see the essence of attending couples therapy. Some assume that the treatment is only for weak or mentally unstable people. Others believe that there’s just nothing wrong about them; that’s why it’s a waste of money to enroll to one.
In case that smells like applesauce to you, and your husband is no different from the type of men mentioned above, then here’s how you can encourage him to go to therapy for couples with you.
- Lay Out The Facts
Individuals tend to be oblivious of hard truths, primarily when you never speak openly about it. A quick fix to that is to have a sit-down meeting with your spouse to discuss everything that seems problematic in your relationship. Then, you can tell how much you want to resolve this stuff so that you’ll be able to live together in peace.
- Express The Benefits Of Marriage Counseling
The objection of some guys to couples therapy sometimes come from their lack of knowledge on the advantages it will bring to your marriage. Due to that, you may conduct a little research on the benefits of this form of counseling before asking your better half to attend one. That won’t be a difficult task since there are a few web pages dedicated to this topic. “Even better, these insights and skills that you’ll gain from marriage counseling and couples therapy can have great and lasting benefits in your other relationships, including in your relationships with colleagues, children, and other family members.” Julie Williams, Psy.D. added.
- Stress That You Won’t Go There To Blame Each Other
Another secret fear of men who refuse to receive counseling is that you will merely start blaming one another there. “If that’s all we’re going to do, we can do that here and now without paying anyone,” a husband might say. Your goal at this point, therefore, is to help your significant other to realize that that’s not the reason why you wish to attend therapy. It’s mostly because you want a lasting relationship with him, and that may not happen if you got issues you don’t discuss on your own.
- Talk About The Counselor You Found
In case your spouse’s complaint is that he does not know the therapist, that is your cue to speak of the accolades of the mental health professional you found. Mention the good things you heard about this counselor from your friends or relatives. Emphasize the affordability of his or her services, especially if your husband is budget-conscious. The more he can envision what kind of therapist you chose, the easier it may be to encourage him to go to couples therapy. “Through the counseling process, couples find ways to improve their level of relationship satisfaction, sometimes they can also identify obstacles or characteristics that are too much to bear for either person or for the relationship to overcome.” Dana Baduna, PhD, LMFT said.
Be sure to try these tips if you believe that your relationship with your better half can improve through intervention.